


Dear Arthur

by merlin_the_dragonlord



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Epistolary, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-24 06:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6145273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlin_the_dragonlord/pseuds/merlin_the_dragonlord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i> Dear Arthur, </i>
</p>
<p>  <i>I'm sorry. </i></p>
<p>  <i>Love, Merlin </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Arthur

**Author's Note:**

> I really like my angst. Don't take away my angst. 
> 
> The formatting is a little wonky, but I don't really know how else to change things.

_Dear Arthur,_

_How are you? I hope that Avalon is treating you well. I suppose Freya’s more than capable of looking after you. Camelot is doing well, I suppose. Gwen has been a wonderful ruler. She removed the ban on magic and made me court sorcerer! Although I guess that’s not really news to you. I’m sure you’re watching me and laughing wherever you are. Camelot’s doing well, but everyone… not so much. Leon has been a wonderful husband to Gwen. Edward is a right terror, much like you were. He just entered the phase where all he wants to do is train. Rhys is wonderful though, much more calm and tame than his brother. I wish you could have watched them grow up. You would have been a great father. Percival is still mourning for Gwaine, but I don’t think we’ll ever stop mourning. He’s been taking his grief out on his body though and has spent most nights at the tavern. It kills me to know I don’t know how to help him. I wish you were here. You would have known what to do. Please hurry back soon, Arthur. We all need you._

_Love,_

_Merlin_

* * *

_Dear Arthur,_

_I visited Morgana’s grave today. I’m so sorry about everything that happened. I wish I could turn back time and change everything. Maybe if I hadn’t been such a coward, you would still be here with us. Do you think that I’ll get a second chance to make things right?_

_Love,_

_Merlin_

* * *

_Dear Arthur,_

_I’m sorry. I know you told me that no man is worth my tears, but I can’t seem to stop crying. I thought watching your body float away was the hardest thing I’ve ever endured, but watching Gaius die was a close second. I always thought he was going to be here forever. He just seemed like he was always there, with his eyebrow and quick tongue and advice. I’ll miss him. I asked Gwen to bury him in his favorite glen. There were a lot of herbs and plants there that he would have liked. He deserves the best, after all. He was like a father to me. Please come back. I don’t know how much more I can take._

_Love,_

_Merlin_

* * *

_Dear Arthur,_

_I woke up today and realized that I’m not getting older. Why do the gods hate me? My life means nothing without you._

_Love,_

_Merlin_

* * *

_Dear Arthur,_

_I tried to save her. I couldn’t. I’m sorry. The princes try so hard not to cry, but I can tell that they’re grieving. I can’t even hate her for having your love. We all loved her._

* * *

_The Saxons came. I didn’t make it in time. Camelot is gone. I’m sorry._

* * *

  _Dear Arthur,_

  _I always thought fire would be much hotter. It’s comforting though. I guess this is what it means to be a dragonlord._

* * *

_Dear Arthur,_

_I’m sorry I couldn’t be strong for you. It’s been too long since you’ve been here. Maybe one day we’ll meet again. I don’t think I’m going to Avalon. I wonder how much this will hurt. Please don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault. Please live and be happy. For me._

_Love,_

_Merlin_

* * *

Arthur’s fingers shook as he paged through the book in front of him. Memories flooded his mind as he remembered. Remembered Camelot, remembered Gwen, remembered Merlin. It all seemed like a distant dream, but he knew very well that it was all as real as his current life. He didn’t even realize that this book was amongst his belongings, but Merlin had always worked in strange ways. He blinked. Tears began to fall. He reached up and touched his face. Goddammit.

 

He didn’t want to believe that Merlin was dead. Merlin _always_ survived. He was kind of annoying in that way. He flipped to the next page and felt his stomach drop when it was blank. The next page too. It didn’t seem fair. Anger suddenly surged through him and he hurled the book across the room, where it hit the wall and flipped open on a non-blank page. The anger abated as Arthur crossed the floor and picked the book up. He looked at the page and it became hard to swallow around the lump in his throat. There was a page where Merlin had written, in beautiful calligraphy, _Merlin Pendragon_. Merlin didn’t have a last name back in Camelot, most peasants didn’t. Arthur traced the words with a shaky finger, wishing with all his might that he could have the warlock in front of him right now. All he wanted was to hug Merlin to him, to tell him of the emotions he had always felt underneath his responsibility to Camelot and to its queen.

 

Maybe… just maybe… Arthur knew it was crazy, but he was desperate. He practically leapt across the room to his desk and scrambled for a pen. He flipped the notebook back to the page after Merlin’s last note and began writing.

 

_Dear Merlin,_

_I’m sorry I made you wait. It’s my turn to wait. Please come back to me soon. I love you._

                                                                        _Love,_

_Arthur_

**Author's Note:**

> Shameless plug [ here ](http://merlin-the-dragonlord.tumblr.com/) (personal tumblr) and [ here ](http://merlinreadsalot.tumblr.com/) (Merlin fic rec blog I run with my best friend). 
> 
> Kudos and comments are much appreciated, particularly of the "You made me cry" variety. Those are my favorites.


End file.
